Why 21 year old Cara now believes in God/ What are you doing in Hawaii?

I've put '21 year old Cara' because I'm not sure 40 year old Cara would necessarily agree with the views in this blogpost. I don't even think 40 year old Cara would approve that 21 year old Cara had 'blogposts'.

I recently discovered the book of Ecclesiastes, which has basically changed my life. Probably more than 'On The Road' by Jack Kerouac has.

(Backstory - I grew up Christian, I knew what Christianity was about, but didn't fully embrace it because it just didn't make full sense to me. I saw it evident in other people's lives, but I just wasn't convicted in it.)

As someone who constantly questions life and sees all of life as a big puzzle (re. ENFP type personality) (The Myers Briggs test is another thing I strongly believe in) (probably too strongly) (it just explains a lot about people okay) (do the test here), Ecclesiastes really struck a chord with both my logical and my emotional side.

Ecclesiastes to me is a book of wisdom (re. Wisdom: to observe and examine life, then align your life accordingly), because it links logic with religion.

It doesn't just tell you straight out that you have to believe otherwise 'YOU'LL GO TO HELL'. It explains in a logical manner WHY humans ultimately need a God to believe in.

Your next question will be 'well now we know we need a God, but which God?' I'll explain my reasoning behind that later on.

Here are 4 main problems that Ecclesiastes addresses (I paraphrased these from a podcast) (just read the italics if you want to skip the bibley stuff):

1. Commonality of Death.

Ecc 9:2

"It is the same for all, since the same event happens to the righteous and the wicked, to the good and the evil, to the clean and the unclean, to him who sacrifices and him who does not sacrifice."
 
- life is fleeting because ultimately, we all die. 
- life is just vanity, and then you die.

(Vanity: excessive pride in one's appearance, qualities, abilities, achievements, etc.) Basically it's pride to the Nth degree.

2.  Oppression of Needy and the Problem of Suffering

Ecc 4:1

"Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed-- and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors-- and they have no comforter."

- Good things don't always happen to good people.

3.  Pleasures, No Matter How Good, Never Completely Satisfy

Ecc 2:10 - 11

 ^"I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
    I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my labor,
    and this was the reward for all my toil.
¹¹ Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
    and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
    nothing was gained under the sun."

- We live our lives with feelings of discontentment.
- 'He who loves money will never have money enough.'

4. Universal Problem of Sinfulness

Ecc 9:3

"This is the evil in everything that happens under the sun: The same destiny overtakes all. The hearts of people, moreover, are full of evil and there is madness in their hearts while they live, and afterward they join the dead."

- Humans are innately and fundamentally flawed; we live this way, and then we die.
- In a nutshell, life is unfair because of human corruption.

Smokey mountain in Philippines, home to 30,000 people who make their living by picking on rubbish at the landfill.

Ecclesiastes is a portrait of a wise someone who tries to figure life out by trying all of life's pleasures, drinks, screws, builds houses and amasses wealth and fortune and Prada and then realises that 'all is vanity'. He's not happy. Instant gratification didn't really do shit for him but teach him that instant gratification doesn't really do shit for him.

He then says that the answer (to the meaninglessness that pervades our lives) is God. Specifically Jesus-Christ God.

I'm still figuring things out, but if this book says I have to believe in Jesus - God (and not doubt that He is God the Creator) in order to find meaning in life, I'm willing to try it out full-time.

So why Jesus - God and not some other religion?

My circumstances are such that it makes sense to try it out for real.

And if it works for me, what for try something else? Then you'll say, that's like ordering Salmon Sashimi but never trying Salmon Poke because I'm happy with salmon Sashimi and everyone says it's great and I really like it, when in actual truth Poke is more of my thing but I've never tried it.

Well, what if I've found that the Salmon Sashimi has the ability to change into Salmon Poke the more I eat and study it, and then into something altogether that I never expect and it just fulfills me in ways I never thought about?

Wow that is a very unrealistic and strange example but I hope it makes some sense.

So that's what I'm hoping will happen for me. Everytime i start to doubt, or 'logic' creeps in, I tell myself I have to try this faith thing for real in order to see tangible results.

Because otherwise I can't say I've tried being a Christian and it didn't work out/it is working out and be convinced/convincing. I feel I need to go all in before I can see what it does. What it can do.

So far, my mind feels clearer, my junk is more stable, and I feel more fulfilled than I did without it. It could be the Hawaiian air at work, but maybe God put me in Hawaii? Ah ha.

Also, I had at first tried a more intellectual approach at understanding the faith, but I found that I had to use both my feelings and my intellect to experience it fully. i.e. I can think and talk all I want about it, but to fully experience it, I have to feel it too. So I'm being open to that.

By the way, this is Salmon poke.

A.K.A. Angel poop mixed in with spring onions.

Some pictures of my life in Kona, Hawaii. (AKA where I am finding God, thinking about my life, feeling a constant battle between eating lots and then needing to wear a bikini to the beach, and generally having good clean sandy fun.) (no seriously, there is sand everywhere, in my bed, in my bag, in my hair, in my wallet)...

Sitting on a scorpion tree. With varying bikini tan lines.

I am also doing a photography class thingy on this island. 

Some of my wannabe indie album art - esque work:

View of the sky from under the water. Yup, the seawater here is that clear.

That's the ocean floor as viewed from the surface of the water. Those black things are sea urchins.

Me looking happy and chunky at Magic Sands beach. Taken by Ashley Bloomer. The waves were rather high that day. Wonder what they were smoking (ha ha ok).

I'll be back in Singapore in September. I'll be in Panama from June to September, doing outreach in tribal islands and such.

I may update this blog more.